Archive for June, 2014

God Save The Queen

June 9, 2014

Happy Birthday old girl.

Royal Chant
Small Town Bruises/A Day At The Wauchope Races double EP
July 7, 2104
courtesy of Dirty Mab Records

tour dates and other banal minutiae on their way….prepare for lift-off

See you soon xoxo

sincerely,

Your Loyal Subjects

Fishing + Goverment

June 1, 2014
THE FOLLOWING RULES APPLY TO ALL PAYING CUSTOMERS OF ROCK N’ REEL INC
0430 – WAKEUP
O500 – DEPART SANDY OATS/THE “ANIMAL HOUSE”
0530 – LAUNCH BOAT
0530 – 0600 -NET BAIT
0600 – 1800 – FISHING
1800 – 1802 – CLEAN FISH
1802 -1900 –  CLEAN BOAT
1930 – RETURN TO SANDY OATS/”ANIMAL HOUSE”
1930 – ? LIE ABOUT DAY OF FISHING
 
ALL FISHERMEN WILL BAIT THEIR OWN HOOK, TAKE OFF THEIR OWN FISH AND UNTANGLE THEIR OWN LINE.
ALL FISHERMEN ARE ALLOWED TO DRINK CHEAP LITE BEER.  NO WINE IS ALLOWED, ESPECIALLY BOX WINE.  THE CAPTAIN HAS AN IMAGE TO UPHOLD.
DUE TO RECENTLY ENACTED OBAMA MANDATED EPA REGULATIONS FARTING IS ALLOWED ONLY UNDER THESE CONDITIONS:  PERSON WHO WISHES TO FART MUST BE DOWNWIND OF ALL OTHER ANGLERS.  THE WIND VELOCITY MUST EQUAL OR EXCEED 2 METERS PER SECOND SO AS TO DISSIPATE ANY TOXIC FUMES THAT MIGHT PRESENT A HEALTH HAZARD TO OTHER ANGLERS.
PEEING IS ALLOWED UNDER THESE EPA GUIDELINES:
PERSON MUST BE AT LEAST 25 METERS FROM ANY OTHER PERSON OR VESSEL AND ONLY ON AN OUTGOING TIDE.  TIDE MUST BE MOVING AT LEAST 2 METERS PER SECOND TO DISSIPATE TOXIC AND OR CORROSIVE CHEMICALS WHICH MIGHT CAUSE HARM TO HUMAN SKIN OR VESSEL SURFACES.
DUE TO PRESSURE FROM PETA, CONGRESS HAS MANDATED THAT ALL ANGLERS BE CERTIFIED TO USE A GOVERNMENT APPROVED DE-HOOKING TOOL.  10 HOUR COURSE COSTS $150.  PRESENT CERTIFICATE OF COMPLETION PRIOR TO LAUNCH.
 
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Hey Dad,

you forgot to mention all the new laws passed by John Boehner and his House Of Merry Men.

1) All gay fish will be separated at hook and forced into predetermined sex re-education camps.  BOTTOM LINE: No Gay Fish.

2) All veteran fish from previous catches will be ignored.

3) All fish suspected of using marijuana for pain relief will be locked up in federal prison.

4) No gay fish, just in case you missed it the first time.

5) All fish will be blessed by Dear Lord Little Baby Jesus before being ritually slaughtered.

6) All fish OVER the limit will be let go with a free parcel of fish food, while all fish UNDER the limit will be forced to work 72 hours at minimum wage before being killed.

7) All fish owned by Karl Rove and/or the Koch Brothers will be given an apology and sent on their way without question*

*assume all fish are owned by Karl Rove and/or the Koch Brothers.

8) Spanish Mackerel MUST produce state/federal issue ID before being let into boat.

9) Fishing line may NOT be made of hemp.

10) NO GAY FISH!!!!

There you go, that should cover it all xoxo 🙂

Surf’s up!

Mark