Archive for January, 2014

Housewarming

January 2, 2014
  • Dear Jess & Mitch,

    Hello hello! I Hope you are both deep in the powder and having lots of fun on the slopes. Thanks again for letting us stay here! Your place is awesome.

    I thought I should warn you, before you get home, of the following changes to your lovely abode.

    I felt morally obliged to liberate the duck fat you use for cooking. It is now free range duck fat. Also, somehow all your beers and ciders were gone before we got here. Don’t ask me how I know you had some in the fridge, nicely lined up and in alphabetical order, just trust me, they’re gone and it wasn’t me.

    Despite being here for less than 12 hours and there being -1 ft of swell, a few of your surfboards have met with some sort of….fate. I’ve done a pretty decent patch job on most of them though, so I’m confident you’ll hardly notice anything amiss. Maybe don’t count the exact number when you get home though. I had a spot of trouble with recovery and I may or may not have been involved with a nautical tactic known as “scuttling the ship.” I do think I showed exemplary bravery in the course of action, doubly so since I was drunk. I mean really, really drunk.

    I hope you don’t mind, but we also brought Elliot up with us. Lozjust couldn’t bear to leave him behind. He leaped right out of the car and tried to make friends with the local protected wildlife immediately. With his teeth.

    Mitch, your kitchen is an absolute delight, a true cook’s dream! The omelettes I made this morning were a breeze. Actually, what I mean to say is that there was a breeze coming through the window and it sent the flames a little haywire. You do have fire & contents insurance, right?

    Other than that all is well here. We’ll leave the place spic & span, good as new. We’re also changing our phone numbers and will give them to you in a few years when the statute of limitations runs out.

    Thanks again!

    Mark & Lozza

    ps–I’ve moved one thing in your meticulously organized cupboard. One. Thing.

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